James and Sara stumbled out of their Limousine in a very drunken fashion, not that they were, they were just not very good at getting out of expensive cars. Sara picked James off the floor and brushed him down. James brushed himself back up again and shot Sara a look that clearly expressed him disapproval at such a lame pun. Pete and Paul (not the saints) approached them, drinks in hands.

"Well there's no change there then!" stated Paul at the sight of James being dusted down, and up again (I feel I must make the point that it is dusted and nothing disgusting).

"Let's drink!" chirped Sara as she went to auto-pilot and headed straight for the bar. The crowd of sixth-formers separated as James entered the room, he then realised that he had a huge hole in his trousers and that everyone could see his underwear (and it was rather stylish even if I do say so myself). He glanced down and a fraction of a second later the hole was gone and people realised that they had no idea why they were all looking at that particular part of James. There was a communal blush followed by the synchronous "Anyway…" of conversational continuation.

Paul pointed out where the rest of the group of friends was; Pete had got side-tracked and had his tongue down someone's throat! James was remembering what Mark had done to him at the last ball when one of Mark's friends lost purchase on their remarkably full pint glass which promptly accelerated downward. It bounced skilfully off the corner of the table, not spilling a drop, and then flipped over and emptied its substantial contents onto the general area of Mark's crotch.

Mark leapt into the air, frantically trying to brush (up and down) the beer from his (up until now) pristine suit.

"Oops" thought James to himself as he crossed to talk to Michelle and Roxanne.

"Where's Liz?" he asked.

"She couldn't get a ticket, remember?"

"Oh of course! Yes, I remember now" James faked, sounding a genuine as a £2.50 Rolex purchased from a lay-by in Portugal. Michelle was draining the bottom of her glass when James went to get her more refreshment of alcoholic persuasion. She wanted an Archers and Lemonade and what she got tasted very much like that, but was really nothing near the concoction she ordered. What she actually was drinking was a magical blend of Vampirish-tendancy-eradication herbs. James was quite proud of this particular brew.

"V.T.E Version 8.2" he thought to himself. The previous versions I shall not diversify into but let's just say that the side-effect included spontaneous human combustion, clucking like a chicken, having a certain tendency to love sheep (and you can only guess which parts of the world got this in their water supply (Sara had a viscous streak a mile wide and infinitely long)) and probably the worst, the urge to support Margaret Thatcher!

It worked quite fast and only had one, mildly embarrassing side effect. James timed his departure from Michelle with uncanny precision. Just as he met with Sara there was an almighty, great, colossal belch. The room went silent and all eyes turned to Michelle who was feeling mildly embarrassed.

"Pardon me!" she announced to the room with just a bit more than a hint of pride in her voice. Needless to say the "it" people had something to say on this topic. The first one to pass comment was a certain girl called Lucy

"God that's so scratty!"

Lucy soon had to go to the toilet to make sure that her make-up was still the most stunning and to answer the "call of nature" or as some would argue in her case "the call of the wild". Lucy did lover her phone and after she finished on the phone to Nature she went to the loo.

When she rejoined the throng of people she was surprised about how many people were smirking at her. What she didn't realise was that they were all laughing at her. She hadn't noticed (and won't for a while yet) that she had tucked her dress into the back of her knickers. Sara hi-jacked a camera and made sure that the memory was forever captured in that most excellent of forms, the blackmail form. She felt proud of her work; nothing pleased her more than a job well done. Of course it wasn't for revenge, no that would be bad, it was an opportunity for Lucy to feel how she made others feel, honest!

James was marvelling at Sara's work when Kate trundled cheerfully up to him. He smiled that smile at her, no not that smile, or that one! That smile! Yes, that's it, that one. Slowly his concentration faded into what Kate was saying, he'd been so certain he'd get that smile right that he'd missed half the conversation, not that it actually mattered as he had heard it all before on the last Earth (if you decided to skip part of the book you are now going to have to go back and read what you missed or you'll just not get it!).

When it was finally time for the meal everyone stopped talking and headed for their respective tables.

Unfortunately for James he was intercepted by the "Beresford".

"mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble------banana------ mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble------pants of fish------ mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble------chickens"

James was impressed at the number of mumbles and dashes that the Beresford could control, yet when it came to words, he was lost. James politely nodded and pointed over the Beresford's shoulder. As he turned to look where James was pointing James disappeared with amazing speed and accuracy. The move was originally planned for the artful dodging of fireballs but was applied very well in this situation.

The Beresford looked confused for a moment then forgot what confused looked like, forgot his purpose for standing where he was and collapsed in a heap which was kicked around the floor for the rest of the night as people tried not to fall over. The Beresford now formally qualified to be an "it" was lying in the corner (now being the end of the night).

Now let's make "now" where we were just before the Beresford got confused.

James sat down at the table he was to be dining at, sadly with exactly the same people.

The meal and speeches proceeded in exactly the same way, if you exclude the occasional rip-roaring belch. The night continued on under the strict ruling of linear time in the style of any posh(ish) function and then came to the big, hyped, love making, relationship breaking, slip sliding, lips colliding, hands wandering, lots of fondling, end.

The ball ended.

It was the day after the second ball and there were hangovers, big ones. There were regrets, big ones. There were vomiting noises, very big ones. There were parents shouting (I shall not say big ones in fear of being clobbered) and there were doors slamming in post-drunken-tantrums.

This was all fairly normal, about the only two members of the sixth form not going through this routine were James and Sara (surprise, surprise). They'd managed to work out how to expel alcohol from their bodies not so long ago. It was a trick that had proven very useful on many an occasion.

It was now Sunday and for James, the weekend was as normal as ever. He got up in the morning and had his usual family breakfast, he messed up his room so his mum could complain and when she did he snapped his fingers and it tidied itself. He guided his father through the art of resurrecting a flat pack bookshelf and then decided that a quick trip to Japan was necessary as he had just run out of seaweed that kept the car fuelled and running (it produced much less pollution than petrol). As yet James' parents hadn't worked this out. The rest of the day mainly comprised of thwarting evil and making sure that the evil herbivores were still safely confined in their paddock on Mars. On his way back through the unexplored regions of England (and believe me, there are some) James saw a car lurching wildly along a road. Now I know that you’re thinking "If it's unexplored why is there a road?" and you're quite right but perfectly wrong! There are two possible explanations, 1) the local council saw a piece of green and decided that it would be a nice setting for a road, or 2) the person who drew the map slipped with one of their pretty coloured pencils and inadvertently (through a inverse reality bubble wave) created a road. There was, however, no doubt as to whom was driving the car (and I use the term "driving" very loosely). It was Sarah. Not Sara with a spelling mistake but Sarah. She was the first person to own a car and had been driving the longest (apart from James who'd passed a year earlier); she still hadn't passed her test. She was determined that a two week course was all it would take to learn all the skill of the road, despite the advice of her friends, she failed the test. And the next. And the next. And the next. The curse that had been put on her was clearly not to blame and James and Sara must have not noticed, otherwise they would have dispelled it. Again there are two explanations here, 1) either James or Sarah cursed her and didn't want their handiwork dispelled, or 2) it was the work of someone distinctly evil. The red eyes would have been a dead give away but ever since coloured contact lenses were introduced the job had become much harder, and much more fun (in a cat and mouse sort of way). James thought about putting the car back on the road where it belonged but had a deep routed feeling that it would be better if he didn't interfere.

"There's trouble afoot" he muttered to himself. He was quite disappointed that he didn’t get an answer.

By now "it" was feeling somewhat confused. He'd already devoured a few solar systems and was feeling particularly evil. "it" wasn't confused about being evil, that just came naturally, nor was it confused by the fact that it was devouring solar systems, this was second nature (I'll let you decide what the first is). "it" was confused because it was sure that it had seen a solar system with nine planets that had become a solar system with eight, now there were nine again. This was a confusing matter for a simple creature like a devourer of worlds. Maybe it just had indigestion!

"it" suddenly realised that it didn't have a name, this would also, never do! It thought, then it stopped all other functions, as a lot of energy was required for it to think.

"Angus" it thought, "I shall be called Angus, the-temperamental-devourer-of-planets-and-all-things-of-an-interstellar-nature! But I shall be referred to an Angus!". He then continued to devour worlds with much concentration on remembering the name Angus.

James remembered that he was meant to be going out with Jayne. Bugger. He made an impressive jump from his position in the sky to being one the road where Jayne had said she lived, in his car of course. He turned the corner and found himself in front of a pair of big, black gates. He got out of the car and pressed the intercom button and Jayne was crackled into existence "Hello?"

"Hi, it's James," said James (well who else was going to say it, the Archbishop of Canterbury?).

"Hiya, come in". There was a polite "ping" and the gates began to open. James got back in the car and drove down the long drive. It was surrounded in trees that made the setting almost perfect. As he rounded a corner the house came into view, it was gorgeous. It was one of those three storey houses you dream of living in if you could have three wishes. It was simply breath taking. As James pulled up in the car his clothes changed into something smart but casual, a bunch of flowers appeared on the back seat and his hair changed into a nice style, it was in a good mood. As James got out of the car the front door opened and Jayne came out. She was wearing a black dress and looked more amazing than ever. She was all that James had ever looked for. Her face had a plain beauty about it, crowned by a flow of fine blonde hair, yet not peroxide blonde. It contained warmth and life that kept to the bounds of perfection defined by the vision that stood before him. There was the hug of hello followed by the meal, planned and created in one of the best kitchens James had ever been in. As the night eased by James fell more and more in. Her personality was loving and open, she took everything James loved and personified it into a pure form that he hoped only he could see.

It was soon the early hours and James decided that it was time to leave. They said their goodbyes and just before James left Jayne have him a quick kiss. Reluctantly James left the new warmth in his life and headed into the cold bite of the cool, morning air. All the way home his mind hovered over the kiss, so brief yet so far reaching. Every part of him felt warm, things felt right.

Night had fallen over the land; she got back up and cursed not being able to see due to the lack of light. Night liked her job, people loved her, some were scared of her and there were a few generations that made her into a party animal, Sophia was pleased with her new career choice.